Sexuality is always a hot topic. It seems like everyone has a lot to say about how everyone else should live their lives or if it’s nature or nurture. What I find really interesting is how heterosexual people think they have the right to tell everyone else about their sexuality. Some days, face your front.
I don’t usually talk about my sexuality because it only concerns myself and the person I’m dating. I’m pan-sexual, meaning my attraction to someone else isn’t limited by biological sex, gender or gender identity. I date who I like, as long as the vibe is right. The first person I was attracted to was a girl, and growing up in Nigeria, I was aware that this was deemed unnatural. So instinctively, I distanced myself from this aspect of my identity. A few years later, I was confronted with my sexuality when I developed feelings for my cousin’s girlfriend. She was straight and I was convinced I was too but my heart clearly stated otherwise. I was conflicted. After managing to suppress this part of me, this felt like a rude awakening – one I wasn’t ready for. So I decided to explore. Eventually, I came to the conclusion that I liked who I liked, regardless of sex, gender or gender identity. It was only at university that I learnt there was a label for my sexuality: pan-sexual.
Stupid things I’ve heard in regards to my sexuality…
- So you’d fuck anything? Even animals? – No, idiot. My attraction is limited to humans.
- Were you born like that or is it environmental? – I was born and raised in Nigeria, trust me. It is not environmental.
- How do you know you’re ACTUALLY born pan-sexual? – How do you know you’re ACTUALLY born straight?
- So let’s say you fall in love with a woman, how will you have children? – Adoption, IVF, baby daddies. So many options, beloved.
- But God said… – Okay but do I subscribe to your notion of a god?
- Just say you want to fuck everyone – How small-minded do you have to be to minimalise my attraction to other people to just sex?
When it comes to sexuality and imposing your ideas on how other people should live, I strongly believe you shouldn’t. Why are you so concerned about other people’s sexuality? For those who hide their homophobia behind “disagreeing with the lifestyle”, it is still homophobic. When LGBT+ people are talking about our experiences, it is not your place to speak. You don’t get to disagree with someone else’s existence. It is not an opinion. So, moral of the story is mind your business.